The Nonsense Cafe

Where tall tales, real and imagined, absurd and compelling, are served with a smile

I Should Have Been A(n)…Agronomist

It is always a worthwhile exercise to ponder different paths taken.

Alt-Life as an Agronomist  

Avg. Cheddar:  Just south of $50K

Cheddar High End:  $120K+

Demand:  High, due to population growth (if you have more than 4 kids you owe it to society to force one of them to become an agronomist – the others should have to battle for their dinner)

En (not really) Francais:  désherber l’extracteur (weed puller)

The Basics:  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to grow more crops for global consumption. To accomplish this, you will know a lot about ecology, genetics, earth science, mixed martial arts, biology, and chemistry. In terms of where the rubber meets the road, your core competencies involve crop rotation, pest control, soil fertility, the Paso Doble, and plant breeding.

The Future:  You will help to develop new age energy production models based upon advanced biotechnologies. Think biofuel from algal oil.

Upside:  A la Homer Simpson’s quest to crossbreed tobacco with tomatoes (via a plutonium infusion), yielding “tomacco,” you will have free rein to let the mad scientist within out of his or her cage. The author calls dibs on a pumpkin/onion cross: Behold the oniumpkin

Downside:  It would seem that you’re dirty a lot.

Offshoots:  Golf Course Landscaping and/or painfully boring conversationalist

If I were an agronomist, where would I be right now?  A field in southwest Iowa, wishing I was doing something else, anywhere else.


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